It’s been pretty emotional today as I reflect back on where my life was just a year ago this day. Though we had been trying for a baby for a while, and Mother’s Days had come and go, last years holiday was the hardest for me, emotionally. It was the first time I felt angry on a Mother’s Day, and only for the reason that I wasn’t a mother myself yet. I loved the fact of celebrating and honoring the mothers in my life, including my own, but I wished I was a part of the club. I don’t remember in the years before feeling that way and I didn’t want to give into the pity party, but I did. I used that day to cry. I cried over the fact that we weren’t blessed with a child yet. It was especially hard seeing all the families that day, or being asked when we’d be starting a family. It was heartbreaking as I cried to my Fresh Life group on how I wanted to be a mother and how hard Mother’s day had been for me. It felt uplifting to share my feelings knowing they’d pray, but in the end I still felt sad, and pretty alone. After seeing how emotional Mother’s day made me, we decided that maybe it just wasn’t time for us to have a baby. We’d wait to try again the following year with better luck. Little did we know we’d find out we were pregnant just a couple months later. And now, a year later from my Mother’s day meltdown, I’m cradling my 2 month old…toys and baby clothes are strewn everywhere...and “coos” (plus lots of cries!) are heard throughout our home.
I only write this out, as hard as it is to be honest, because I know now that I wasn’t alone in my feelings. Many women in your life have felt the same sadness as I did on that Mother’s Day. If you are that woman reading this now, you are not alone. For one, I am praying for you and second, God is here for you. He is ok with you crying out to Him. He wants to comfort you. Place your trust in Him for your future.
I consider myself blessed, and not because we finally have a baby, but because God loved me (at that low point) and still loves me now. I wish I could have understood that better a year ago. I wish I could have seen how strong His love for me was, but in the midst of the sadness it was lost. He was all I needed, at that moment and always. He is all I need. Yes, a family and children will bring joy to your life, but only God can bring joy to your soul. I know that's hard to swallow when you see what looks like a "lack" in your life. It is a matter of taking your eyes off the waves, and onto the Lord.
Even in my sadness that day a year ago, I used it as an opportunity to pray. I prayed for Jaime and I, that we’d be blessed with a child and I prayed for others who where going through the same thing. I prayed for comfort to those waiting and prayed for wombs to be opened. I had faith that He would open them. And even though we now have our little one, my heart aches for those that are still waiting. Please be encouraged by my story, and know that I will be praying for you today. The Lord hears our prayers and does answer them. Even in the midst of suffering we can experience joy and peace. Place your trust in Him today. Even if your waiting may take years, trust in Him and His goodness for your life.
Love you all,
Some scriptures to meditate on:
Romans 8:28 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.
2nd Corinthians 12:9 – But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
1st Peter 4:19 – So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for He will never fail you.